It was a rather hawt night out
I thought my limbs were about to sprout
I walked down an alley , and to my surprise
There was an alligator with a mean look in hims eye
I yelled 'hey! I think your ugly!"
But I got no reply
He chased me down that dark street
and all I could hear was a cheep cheep cheep
because down there, a foot away, I saw a baby chick
I followed over to it, and gave it a lick
It tasted so good, just like pumpkin pie
and I had to eat all of him, even his eye.
That is my story, that I needed to tell,
about a baby chick with an alligators tail.
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well this was a quite random poem. just kinda out there. but i did enjoy the way you used some voice in there even if the words aren't real words
ReplyDeleteThis sounded like a nursery rhyme. Seriously, I think you could sell this as a children's book. I can picture my kids liking the story. That's how bad it is. Ha ha ha.
ReplyDeleteI like the opening image. A hot night, you think your limbs are about to sprout. That's an interesting place to start. Don't worry about writing a poem that rhymes. Worry about writing an honest poem that explores something real.
obviously the only thing to do now is to try to extract a metaphor out of this whole thing and turn it into something GLORIOUS
ReplyDeletethe random rhyming and random story were great, it made me sort of double take at a line and go all like "wait wh"
however I couldn't take it seriously
but maybe that's the point :I
You licked the Baby Chick with an alligator tail?! Wow! That was so random, it was creative. I don't think I could have thought of something like that. Take the line "That is my story, that I needed to tell" and tell a differant story useing that line it in your next poem.
ReplyDeleteVery nice! I LOVED this. It told a story (kinda creepy) that was so compelling. Should consider writing children's books.
ReplyDeletethat is a very interesting way to say hawt, i admire the courage to go out on a limb and see if it gets the job done, cuz it most certainly did, congrats
ReplyDeleteInterestin...
ReplyDelete